"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.