Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

thumb_up thumb_down +167

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

thumb_up thumb_down +82

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

thumb_up thumb_down -130

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

thumb_up thumb_down +547

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

thumb_up thumb_down +90

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

thumb_up thumb_down +172

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

thumb_up thumb_down +89

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Whatsapp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +39

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

thumb_up thumb_down -951

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

thumb_up thumb_down +324

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -52

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.