- Clarksonisms

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

ze5zege ef ege gg

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Motor from a food blender?

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

M3 drivers have no friends.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

car goes fast

Clarksonisms

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