what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Flying fish wasabi?

thumb_up thumb_down +93

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +342

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

thumb_up thumb_down +45

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +52

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +112

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

thumb_up thumb_down +133

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down -48

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

thumb_up thumb_down +31

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

thumb_up thumb_down +56

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

thumb_up thumb_down -93

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

thumb_up thumb_down +176

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

thumb_up thumb_down

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

thumb_up thumb_down +242

How many years are there in donkey years?

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.