What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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Deal with it

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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