On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

herro am spoderman

thumb_up thumb_down -123

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

thumb_up thumb_down +140

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

thumb_up thumb_down +56

The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Das Stig is a manaic!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

thumb_up thumb_down -15

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

thumb_up thumb_down +117

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +195

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

thumb_up thumb_down +81

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.