- Clarksonisms

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Flying fish wasabi?

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Clarksonisms

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