- Clarksonisms

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

Speed saves people!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

How hard can it be?

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

ze5zege ef ege gg

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

How many years are there in donkey years?

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Clarksonisms

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