Kia Rio "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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Some Poos Come Out

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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