- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

herro am spoderman

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!