The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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Deal with it

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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