The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Frederik Du lugter

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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