[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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