- Clarksonisms

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Flying fish wasabi?

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

In the WOOORLD...

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Clarksonisms

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