- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

Claire chris paul steve & dave

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

herro am spoderman

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!