I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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