The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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