What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

thumb_up thumb_down -23

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Motor from a food blender?

thumb_up thumb_down +133

How many years are there in donkey years?

thumb_up thumb_down +90

On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

ze5zege ef ege gg

thumb_up thumb_down -164

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

thumb_up thumb_down +146

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

thumb_up thumb_down +140

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

This is the greatest car ... In the world

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Das Stig is a manaic!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.