- Clarksonisms

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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How hard can it be?

Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it. Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it. Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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