There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +52

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

thumb_up thumb_down +52

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

thumb_up thumb_down +206

Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

thumb_up thumb_down +25

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

thumb_up thumb_down +151

Whatsapp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

thumb_up thumb_down -6

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

thumb_up thumb_down +62

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

thumb_up thumb_down +43

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

thumb_up thumb_down -80

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.