Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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How hard can it be?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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