- Clarksonisms

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Clarksonisms

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