Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

thumb_up thumb_down -773

M3 drivers have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -838

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

thumb_up thumb_down +90

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

thumb_up thumb_down -88

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

thumb_up thumb_down +19

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

It stands out like

thumb_up thumb_down +39

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Don't do that, tortoise!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

thumb_up thumb_down -8

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.