- Clarksonisms

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

M3 drivers have no friends.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarksonisms

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