"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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Motor from a food blender?

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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car goes fast

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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