While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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