If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Killing a mamooth

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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