If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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Deal with it

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Frederik Du lugter

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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