- Clarksonisms

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Clarksonisms

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