Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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Killing a mamooth

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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