There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

...In the world.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

This is the greatest car ... In the world

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

How hard can it be?

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

Motorized pepper grinder?

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."


Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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