I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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... And across the line!

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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car goes fast

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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Kia Rio "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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