- Clarksonisms

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Flying fish wasabi?

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Clarksonisms

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