- Clarksonisms

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

ze5zege ef ege gg

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

Clarksonisms

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