On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

thumb_up thumb_down +61

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +172

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

thumb_up thumb_down -124

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down +87

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Motorized pepper grinder?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

car goes fast

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Flying fish wasabi?

thumb_up thumb_down +100

herro am spoderman

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

thumb_up thumb_down +194

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

thumb_up thumb_down +28

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.