- Clarksonisms

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

Claire chris paul steve & dave

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Clarksonisms

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