- Clarksonisms

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

... And across the line!

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

Clarksonisms

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