- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!