- Clarksonisms

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Clarksonisms

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