Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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Motor from a food blender?

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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