- Clarksonisms

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Motor from a food blender?

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Clarksonisms

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