- Clarksonisms

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Clarksonisms

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