- Clarksonisms

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Don't do that, tortoise!

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

...In the world.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Clarksonisms

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