- Clarksonisms

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Clarksonisms

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