Claire chris paul steve & dave

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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How hard can it be?

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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