On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

ze5zege ef ege gg

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

...In the world.

Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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