How many years are there in donkey years?

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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