- Clarksonisms

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

Some Poos Come Out

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds