What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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