Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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