By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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herro am spoderman

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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car goes fast

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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