Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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Flying fish wasabi?

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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we wait with anticipation

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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