- Clarksonisms

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

Clarksonisms

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