When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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... And across the line!

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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