- Clarksonisms

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Clarksonisms

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