- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

M3 drivers have no friends.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!