You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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In the WOOORLD...

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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