On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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car goes fast

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Deal with it

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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herro am spoderman

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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