On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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