- Clarksonisms

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

Motor from a food blender?

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

Clarksonisms

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