- Clarksonisms

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Speed saves people!

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Clarksonisms

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