- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Frederik Du lugter

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!