Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Motor from a food blender?

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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How hard can it be?

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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