- Clarksonisms

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

...In the world.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

Motor from a food blender?

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

In the WOOORLD...

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Clarksonisms

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