- Clarksonisms

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

ze5zege ef ege gg

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Clarksonisms

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