- Clarksonisms

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Flying fish wasabi?

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

we wait with anticipation

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

Clarksonisms

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