- Clarksonisms

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Don't do that, tortoise!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Clarksonisms

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