- Clarksonisms

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

How hard can it be?

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Clarksonisms

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