- Clarksonisms

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

... And across the line!

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

Clarksonisms

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