- Clarksonisms

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

...In the world.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

Claire chris paul steve & dave

How hard can it be?

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Clarksonisms

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