- Clarksonisms

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

herro am spoderman

How hard can it be?

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

This is the greatest car ... In the world

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Deal with it

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Clarksonisms

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