- Clarksonisms

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Clarksonisms

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