Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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It stands out like

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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