- Clarksonisms

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

herro am spoderman

Don't do that, tortoise!

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Clarksonisms

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