- Clarksonisms

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Clarksonisms

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