- Clarksonisms

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Claire chris paul steve & dave

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

Clarksonisms

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