- Clarksonisms

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

Motor from a food blender?

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Clarksonisms

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