- Clarksonisms

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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Don't do that, tortoise!

... And across the line!

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Clarksonisms

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