- Clarksonisms

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

we wait with anticipation

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Speed saves people!

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Don't do that, tortoise!

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Clarksonisms

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