Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Motorized pepper grinder?

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

herro am spoderman

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Deal with it

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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