- Clarksonisms

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Don't do that, tortoise!

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Clarksonisms

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