- Clarksonisms

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Clarksonisms

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