- Clarksonisms

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

Clarksonisms

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