- Clarksonisms

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

Flying fish wasabi?

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

How hard can it be?

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Clarksonisms

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