- Clarksonisms

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

Flying fish wasabi?

Clarksonisms

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