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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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