[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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