Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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... And across the line!

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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