- Clarksonisms

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Clarksonisms

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