This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Some Poos Come Out

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

In the WOOORLD...

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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