'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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