[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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...In the world.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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