This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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we wait with anticipation

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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