The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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herro am spoderman

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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