[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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How hard can it be?

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Some Poos Come Out

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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