- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!