- Clarksonisms

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Killing a mamooth

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Some Poos Come Out

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

Deal with it

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

Clarksonisms

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