Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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How hard can it be?

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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