- Clarksonisms

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

Clarksonisms

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