- Clarksonisms

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

Clarksonisms

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