(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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