Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Frederik Du lugter

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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