- Clarksonisms

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Das Stig is a manaic!

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Clarksonisms

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