- Clarksonisms

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Clarksonisms

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