If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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