- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

... And across the line!

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Clarksonisms

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