Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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