It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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