- Clarksonisms

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

How hard can it be?

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

Clarksonisms

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