- Clarksonisms

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

ze5zege ef ege gg

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

we wait with anticipation

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

... And across the line!

Clarksonisms

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