[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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Deal with it

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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... And across the line!

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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...In the world.

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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