- Clarksonisms

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Claire chris paul steve & dave

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

Clarksonisms

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