What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Flying fish wasabi?

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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