- Clarksonisms

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How many years are there in donkey years?

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

we wait with anticipation

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

Flying fish wasabi?

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

It stands out like

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

Speed saves people!

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarksonisms

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