Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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Frederik Du lugter

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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