- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

ze5zege ef ege gg

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!