In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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herro am spoderman

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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