- Clarksonisms

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

How hard can it be?

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Clarksonisms

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