- Clarksonisms

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Das Stig is a manaic!

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Deal with it

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

Clarksonisms

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