- Clarksonisms

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Speed saves people!

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Motor from a food blender?

Clarksonisms

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