- Clarksonisms

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

we wait with anticipation

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds