- Clarksonisms

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

car goes fast

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

Clarksonisms

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