- Clarksonisms

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

car goes fast

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Motor from a food blender?

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

we wait with anticipation

Clarksonisms

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