- Clarksonisms

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

Clarksonisms

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