- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

How hard can it be?

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!