Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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...In the world.

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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