the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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