As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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we wait with anticipation

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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