This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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car goes fast

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Whatsapp Status

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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It stands out like

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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