-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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herro am spoderman

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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