(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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... And across the line!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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