Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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