- Clarksonisms

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Flying fish wasabi?

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

Clarksonisms

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