By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Whatsapp Status

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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car goes fast

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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