- Clarksonisms

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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Clarksonisms

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