You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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Flying fish wasabi?

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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