Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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Some Poos Come Out

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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... And across the line!

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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we wait with anticipation

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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