Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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Deal with it

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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... And across the line!

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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