If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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Motor from a food blender?

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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Frederik Du lugter

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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