what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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car goes fast

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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