Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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In the WOOORLD...

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Frederik Du lugter

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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