You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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Motor from a food blender?

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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Frederik Du lugter

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Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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