- Clarksonisms

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

herro am spoderman

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it. Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it. Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Motorized pepper grinder?

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

Claire chris paul steve & dave

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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