Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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Frederik Du lugter

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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