(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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