Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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How hard can it be?

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Frederik Du lugter

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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