What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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