- Clarksonisms

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Motorized pepper grinder?

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarksonisms

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