- Clarksonisms

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Flying fish wasabi?

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Clarksonisms

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