- Clarksonisms

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

ze5zege ef ege gg

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Some Poos Come Out

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Clarksonisms

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