Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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...In the world.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Motor from a food blender?

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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