It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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car goes fast

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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herro am spoderman

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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