- Clarksonisms

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Claire chris paul steve & dave

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Clarksonisms

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