What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Frederik Du lugter

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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car goes fast

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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