- Clarksonisms

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

This is the greatest car ... In the world

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds