- Clarksonisms

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

How many years are there in donkey years?

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Clarksonisms

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