- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

car goes fast

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Clarksonisms

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