This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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