- Clarksonisms

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Flying fish wasabi?

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Killing a mamooth

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Deal with it

Clarksonisms

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