- Clarksonisms

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Some Poos Come Out

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Clarksonisms

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