- Clarksonisms

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

How many years are there in donkey years?

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Speed saves people!

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Frederik Du lugter

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Clarksonisms

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