- Clarksonisms

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Clarksonisms

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