Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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