- Clarksonisms

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

This is the greatest car ... In the world

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

How hard can it be?

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Clarksonisms

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