If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

...In the world.

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

It stands out like

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.