It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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It stands out like

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Deal with it

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In the WOOORLD...

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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