- Clarksonisms

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Flying fish wasabi?

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Clarksonisms

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