on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Flying fish wasabi?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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