It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Frederik Du lugter

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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car goes fast

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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