car goes fast

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

thumb_up thumb_down +79

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

thumb_up thumb_down -26

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down +101

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +126

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

thumb_up thumb_down +52

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

thumb_up thumb_down +90

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

thumb_up thumb_down +221

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

thumb_up thumb_down +111

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.