- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds