"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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