'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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