- Clarksonisms

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Claire chris paul steve & dave

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

Clarksonisms

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