Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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Some Poos Come Out

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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