Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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In the WOOORLD...

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Deal with it

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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