Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Motor from a food blender?

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

thumb_up thumb_down +134

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

thumb_up thumb_down +83

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

thumb_up thumb_down +102

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

thumb_up thumb_down -24

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down -36

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

thumb_up thumb_down +28

It stands out like

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

thumb_up thumb_down +100

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Das Stig is a manaic!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.