- Clarksonisms

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Clarksonisms

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