On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Flying fish wasabi?

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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