Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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Motor from a food blender?

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Killing a mamooth

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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