On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Deal with it

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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... And across the line!

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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