In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

...In the world.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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