- Clarksonisms

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

In the WOOORLD...

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Clarksonisms

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