It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Killing a mamooth

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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... And across the line!

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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