- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

Whatsapp Status

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

Speed saves people!

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

In the WOOORLD...

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

This is the greatest car ... In the world

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!