Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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