This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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