[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Speed saves people!

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Deal with it

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Killing a mamooth

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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herro am spoderman

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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