- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!