- Clarksonisms

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

It stands out like

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Clarksonisms

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