- Clarksonisms

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

How many years are there in donkey years?

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

herro am spoderman

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

Some Poos Come Out

Clarksonisms

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