- Clarksonisms

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Deal with it

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

Whatsapp Status

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Clarksonisms

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