- Clarksonisms

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

How many years are there in donkey years?

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Clarksonisms

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