What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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