When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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...In the world.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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