- Clarksonisms

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

How hard can it be?

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

Motorized pepper grinder?

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

...In the world.

Clarksonisms

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