- Clarksonisms

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

How many years are there in donkey years?

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Clarksonisms

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