I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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