- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

Motor from a food blender?

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

Das Stig is a manaic!

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

Don't do that, tortoise!

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!