- Clarksonisms

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Speed saves people!

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

Clarksonisms

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