As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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Flying fish wasabi?

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Motor from a food blender?

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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