Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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