- Clarksonisms

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

ze5zege ef ege gg

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

...In the world.

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Clarksonisms

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