- Clarksonisms

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

Speed saves people!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Motorized pepper grinder?

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Killing a mamooth

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Clarksonisms

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