On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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