Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

thumb_up thumb_down +54

... And across the line!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

thumb_up thumb_down +173

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

thumb_up thumb_down +41

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

thumb_up thumb_down +15

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down +82

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

thumb_up thumb_down +68

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

thumb_up thumb_down +179

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -59

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

thumb_up thumb_down +68

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

thumb_up thumb_down +188

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

thumb_up thumb_down -776

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

thumb_up thumb_down +131

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

thumb_up thumb_down +56

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

thumb_up thumb_down -208

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

thumb_up thumb_down -778

Frederik Du lugter

thumb_up thumb_down -245

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.