Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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