- Clarksonisms

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

car goes fast

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

Clarksonisms

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