"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

thumb_up thumb_down +97

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Whatsapp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

thumb_up thumb_down -30

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -71

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +111

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

thumb_up thumb_down +34

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +118

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

thumb_up thumb_down -142

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.