On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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It stands out like

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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...In the world.

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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Deal with it

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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