[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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In the WOOORLD...

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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we wait with anticipation

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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