[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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Killing a mamooth

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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