A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Whatsapp Status

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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Speed saves people!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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