Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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Motor from a food blender?

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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