I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

thumb_up thumb_down +119

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +298

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

thumb_up thumb_down +169

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

thumb_up thumb_down +181

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -57

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

thumb_up thumb_down +122

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

thumb_up thumb_down +85

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.