- Clarksonisms

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Clarksonisms

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