- Clarksonisms

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Some Poos Come Out

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Don't do that, tortoise!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Clarksonisms

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