- Clarksonisms

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How hard can it be?

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

we wait with anticipation

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Clarksonisms

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