(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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Whatsapp Status

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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