- Clarksonisms

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

... And across the line!

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Clarksonisms

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