Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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car goes fast

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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