this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.