Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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herro am spoderman

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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In the WOOORLD...

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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Some Poos Come Out

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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