Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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Deal with it

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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Some Poos Come Out

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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