What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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