(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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It stands out like

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Some Poos Come Out

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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How hard can it be?

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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