It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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we wait with anticipation

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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Frederik Du lugter

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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