- Clarksonisms

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

How many years are there in donkey years?

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Speed saves people!

Clarksonisms

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