- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Flying fish wasabi?

Killing a mamooth

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

How hard can it be?

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Deal with it

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!