We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

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Some Poos Come Out

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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