- Clarksonisms

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

ze5zege ef ege gg

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Clarksonisms

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