tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Speed saves people!

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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