What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

thumb_up thumb_down +117

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

thumb_up thumb_down +91

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

thumb_up thumb_down +80

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Killing a mamooth

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.