Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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we wait with anticipation

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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