- Clarksonisms

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

... And across the line!

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Clarksonisms

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