- Clarksonisms

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Clarksonisms

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