'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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It stands out like

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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...In the world.

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Deal with it

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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