- Clarksonisms

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Clarksonisms

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