I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

In the WOOORLD...

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

This is the greatest car ... In the world

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.