It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Killing a mamooth

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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