- Clarksonisms

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

car goes fast

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Motorized pepper grinder?

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Clarksonisms

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