Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Whatsapp Status

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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It stands out like

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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