"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Frederik Du lugter

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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