...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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...In the world.

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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