- Clarksonisms

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

Killing a mamooth

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

M3 drivers have no friends.

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

Clarksonisms

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