- Clarksonisms

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

This is the greatest car ... In the world

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

How many years are there in donkey years?

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Clarksonisms

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