While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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... And across the line!

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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