It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

thumb_up thumb_down +94

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

thumb_up thumb_down +96

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

thumb_up thumb_down +29

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

How hard can it be?

thumb_up thumb_down +268

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

thumb_up thumb_down +96

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +347

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

thumb_up thumb_down -68

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

thumb_up thumb_down +285

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

thumb_up thumb_down +135

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

thumb_up thumb_down +107

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Flying fish wasabi?

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.