- Clarksonisms

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Don't do that, tortoise!

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

Clarksonisms

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