"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Killing a mamooth

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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