- Clarksonisms

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Don't do that, tortoise!

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Clarksonisms

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