And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Speed saves people!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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