- Clarksonisms

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Motor from a food blender?

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Clarksonisms

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