Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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How hard can it be?

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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