This is the greatest car ... In the world

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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