[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

thumb_up thumb_down +71

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

thumb_up thumb_down +68

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

thumb_up thumb_down +82

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Killing a mamooth

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

thumb_up thumb_down +69

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

thumb_up thumb_down +84

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Das Stig is a manaic!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

thumb_up thumb_down +62

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -33

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

thumb_up thumb_down +53

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.