- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

This is the greatest car ... In the world

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

How hard can it be?

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!