tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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Flying fish wasabi?

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Motor from a food blender?

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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How hard can it be?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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