"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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...In the world.

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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