- Clarksonisms

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

herro am spoderman

we wait with anticipation

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Clarksonisms

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