Deal with it

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

thumb_up thumb_down +176

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

thumb_up thumb_down +287

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

thumb_up thumb_down -3

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

thumb_up thumb_down -89

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

thumb_up thumb_down +131

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

thumb_up thumb_down +231

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

thumb_up thumb_down -67

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

thumb_up thumb_down

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

thumb_up thumb_down +3

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Killing a mamooth

thumb_up thumb_down -7

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

thumb_up thumb_down +238

Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

thumb_up thumb_down +261

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

thumb_up thumb_down +172

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

thumb_up thumb_down +58

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

thumb_up thumb_down +224

herro am spoderman

thumb_up thumb_down -128

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.