- Clarksonisms

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

car goes fast

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

Killing a mamooth

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Clarksonisms

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