That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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... And across the line!

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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Killing a mamooth

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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