Claire chris paul steve & dave

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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Killing a mamooth

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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How hard can it be?

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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