It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Frederik Du lugter

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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