[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Deal with it

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Flying fish wasabi?

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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