- Clarksonisms

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Speed saves people!

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Clarksonisms

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