- Clarksonisms

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

Motorized pepper grinder?

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

Das Stig is a manaic!

How many years are there in donkey years?

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Some Poos Come Out

Clarksonisms

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