- Clarksonisms

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

How many years are there in donkey years?

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

Clarksonisms

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