- Clarksonisms

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

Motor from a food blender?

Motorized pepper grinder?

Flying fish wasabi?

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Clarksonisms

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