I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Killing a mamooth

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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