"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Speed saves people!

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Killing a mamooth

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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