- Clarksonisms

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Clarksonisms

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