- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

How many years are there in donkey years?

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Frederik Du lugter

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!