- Clarksonisms

On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

In the WOOORLD...

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

Claire chris paul steve & dave

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it. Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

Speed saves people!

Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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