- Clarksonisms

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

How many years are there in donkey years?

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

This is the greatest car ... In the world

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

Clarksonisms

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