- Clarksonisms

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

car goes fast

Clarksonisms

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