- Clarksonisms

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

It stands out like

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

Speed saves people!

Some Poos Come Out

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

Killing a mamooth

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Clarksonisms

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