Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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