- Clarksonisms

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

Don't do that, tortoise!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

Clarksonisms

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