The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

thumb_up thumb_down -931

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

thumb_up thumb_down -592

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

thumb_up thumb_down +15

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

thumb_up thumb_down +56

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

thumb_up thumb_down -75

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Don't do that, tortoise!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

thumb_up thumb_down +171

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.