I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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