[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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