James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Speed saves people!

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Killing a mamooth

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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