[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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...In the world.

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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Frederik Du lugter

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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