Motor from a food blender?

thumb_up thumb_down +135

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

thumb_up thumb_down +119

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

thumb_up thumb_down +79

How hard can it be?

thumb_up thumb_down +257

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -36

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

thumb_up thumb_down -25

... And across the line!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Deal with it

thumb_up thumb_down +11

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Speed saves people!

thumb_up thumb_down +185

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

thumb_up thumb_down +109

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down +88

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

thumb_up thumb_down -946

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

thumb_up thumb_down +210

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.