This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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...In the world.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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Some Poos Come Out

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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