- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Clarksonisms

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