- Clarksonisms

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Clarksonisms

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