- Clarksonisms

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Don't do that, tortoise!

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

Clarksonisms

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