Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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