Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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