- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Motor from a food blender?

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Clarksonisms

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