You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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we wait with anticipation

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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