"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Killing a mamooth

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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