- Clarksonisms

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Motor from a food blender?

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds