[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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