The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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