It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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