The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Whatsapp Status

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How hard can it be?

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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