- Clarksonisms

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

In the WOOORLD...

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

herro am spoderman

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

Clarksonisms

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