...In the world.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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It stands out like

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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