- Clarksonisms

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Deal with it

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds