- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

M3 drivers have no friends.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Frederik Du lugter

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!