See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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herro am spoderman

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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