- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Clarksonisms

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