- Clarksonisms

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

It stands out like

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Clarksonisms

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