It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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... And across the line!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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herro am spoderman

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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