- Clarksonisms

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

M3 drivers have no friends.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Clarksonisms

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