- Clarksonisms

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...In the world.

How many years are there in donkey years?

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

Don't do that, tortoise!

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

Clarksonisms

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