Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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