You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

thumb_up thumb_down +145

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Das Stig is a manaic!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down -88

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Claire chris paul steve & dave

thumb_up thumb_down -24

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

thumb_up thumb_down +260

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

thumb_up thumb_down -96

... And across the line!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

thumb_up thumb_down -934

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whatsapp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +198

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.