- Clarksonisms

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Clarksonisms

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