It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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herro am spoderman

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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