- Clarksonisms

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

M3 drivers have no friends.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

Motor from a food blender?

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Clarksonisms

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