- Clarksonisms

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Some Poos Come Out

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

M3 drivers have no friends.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Killing a mamooth

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Clarksonisms

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