- Clarksonisms

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

How many years are there in donkey years?

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Clarksonisms

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