See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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