"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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