On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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