- Clarksonisms

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

Clarksonisms

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