- Clarksonisms

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

Clarksonisms

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