- Clarksonisms

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Flying fish wasabi?

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

Claire chris paul steve & dave

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

Clarksonisms

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