- Clarksonisms

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

M3 drivers have no friends.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Clarksonisms

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