- Clarksonisms

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Don't do that, tortoise!

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Speed saves people!

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

M3 drivers have no friends.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

Clarksonisms

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