On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Flying fish wasabi?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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