this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down -97

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -148

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

thumb_up thumb_down +59

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

thumb_up thumb_down -553

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -55

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

thumb_up thumb_down -766

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

thumb_up thumb_down +100

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

thumb_up thumb_down +246

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

thumb_up thumb_down +314

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

thumb_up thumb_down -27

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

thumb_up thumb_down +230

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

thumb_up thumb_down -29

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.