Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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