- Clarksonisms

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Clarksonisms

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