- Clarksonisms

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Das Stig is a manaic!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

Clarksonisms

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