A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

thumb_up thumb_down +521

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

thumb_up thumb_down -60

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

thumb_up thumb_down -23

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

thumb_up thumb_down +129

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

thumb_up thumb_down +75

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

thumb_up thumb_down +137

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +119

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down -114

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

thumb_up thumb_down -43

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

thumb_up thumb_down -143

Speed saves people!

thumb_up thumb_down +180

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.