- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Some Poos Come Out

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Whatsapp Status

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

How hard can it be?

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!