(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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