- Clarksonisms

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...In the world.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

M3 drivers have no friends.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

It stands out like

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

Clarksonisms

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