on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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