In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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