I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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How hard can it be?

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car goes fast

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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