Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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