Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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