- Clarksonisms

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Clarksonisms

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