most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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car goes fast

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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