- Clarksonisms

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

ze5zege ef ege gg

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds