on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Some Poos Come Out

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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car goes fast

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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