- Clarksonisms

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

herro am spoderman

It stands out like

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

Some Poos Come Out

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

... And across the line!

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

Clarksonisms

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