- Clarksonisms

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Motor from a food blender?

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Clarksonisms

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