On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

thumb_up thumb_down +201

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

thumb_up thumb_down +129

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +352

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

thumb_up thumb_down +79

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

thumb_up thumb_down -58

The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

thumb_up thumb_down +134

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

thumb_up thumb_down +287

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

thumb_up thumb_down -617

Flying fish wasabi?

thumb_up thumb_down +101

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.