Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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car goes fast

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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