M3 drivers have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -811

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

thumb_up thumb_down +88

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Whatsapp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

thumb_up thumb_down -52

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

thumb_up thumb_down -54

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Motor from a food blender?

thumb_up thumb_down +102

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

thumb_up thumb_down +238

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

thumb_up thumb_down +84

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +127

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

thumb_up thumb_down +111

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.