- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

M3 drivers have no friends.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

Frederik Du lugter

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

How many years are there in donkey years?

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!