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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.