- Clarksonisms

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

Clarksonisms

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