- Clarksonisms

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Motor from a food blender?

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Flying fish wasabi?

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

How many years are there in donkey years?

Clarksonisms

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