- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Das Stig is a manaic!

M3 drivers have no friends.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

This is the greatest car ... In the world

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!