- Clarksonisms

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

It stands out like

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Clarksonisms

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