- Clarksonisms

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

...In the world.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Clarksonisms

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