The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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