- Clarksonisms

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Deal with it

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Flying fish wasabi?

Motorized pepper grinder?

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Clarksonisms

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