- Clarksonisms

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Das Stig is a manaic!

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

Clarksonisms

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