- Clarksonisms

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

we wait with anticipation

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Clarksonisms

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