It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Killing a mamooth

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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