- Clarksonisms

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Speed saves people!

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

M3 drivers have no friends.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Clarksonisms

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