It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +180

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

ze5zege ef ege gg

thumb_up thumb_down -138

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

thumb_up thumb_down +19

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

thumb_up thumb_down +90

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

thumb_up thumb_down +127

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

thumb_up thumb_down -16

This is the greatest car ... In the world

thumb_up thumb_down -119

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

thumb_up thumb_down +40

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.