- Clarksonisms

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

Frederik Du lugter

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

This is the greatest car ... In the world

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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