The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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Frederik Du lugter

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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