When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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...In the world.

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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Kia Rio "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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