herro am spoderman

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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