- Clarksonisms

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

This is the greatest car ... In the world

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

How many years are there in donkey years?

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Clarksonisms

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