"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Motorized pepper grinder?

thumb_up thumb_down +90

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -87

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

thumb_up thumb_down +52

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

herro am spoderman

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Deal with it

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

thumb_up thumb_down -778

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

thumb_up thumb_down -754

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Speed saves people!

thumb_up thumb_down +167

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.