Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down -26

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Don't do that, tortoise!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

...In the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Frederik Du lugter

thumb_up thumb_down -123

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

thumb_up thumb_down +57

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Speed saves people!

thumb_up thumb_down +179

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Some Poos Come Out

thumb_up thumb_down +59

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

thumb_up thumb_down +77

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.