- Clarksonisms

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds