- Clarksonisms

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

Clarksonisms

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