(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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