- Clarksonisms

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

Some Poos Come Out

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

Killing a mamooth

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Clarksonisms

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