- Clarksonisms

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Clarksonisms

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