[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Frederik Du lugter

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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