Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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