On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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car goes fast

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Killing a mamooth

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Whatsapp Status

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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