- Clarksonisms

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Speed saves people!

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

How hard can it be?

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

How many years are there in donkey years?

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

Clarksonisms

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