"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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Flying fish wasabi?

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...In the world.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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