- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Clarksonisms

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