'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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we wait with anticipation

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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