Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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