- Clarksonisms

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

How hard can it be?

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Clarksonisms

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