On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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...In the world.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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