- Clarksonisms

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Some Poos Come Out

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Clarksonisms

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