- Clarksonisms

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Motorized pepper grinder?

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Claire chris paul steve & dave

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

Don't do that, tortoise!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

Clarksonisms

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