- Clarksonisms

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

Clarksonisms

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