Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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Flying fish wasabi?

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

How many years are there in donkey years?

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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