- Clarksonisms

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

we wait with anticipation

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

Das Stig is a manaic!

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Clarksonisms

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