- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!