I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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