- Clarksonisms

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

Speed saves people!

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

Killing a mamooth

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

Deal with it

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

Clarksonisms

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