- Clarksonisms

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

How many years are there in donkey years?

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarksonisms

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