I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Some Poos Come Out

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Speed saves people!

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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