- Clarksonisms

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Das Stig is a manaic!

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

...In the world.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

Clarksonisms

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