- Clarksonisms

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

Das Stig is a manaic!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

How many years are there in donkey years?

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

This is the greatest car ... In the world

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Clarksonisms

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