tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Some Poos Come Out

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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