- Clarksonisms

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

It stands out like

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Claire chris paul steve & dave

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarksonisms

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