- Clarksonisms

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Motorized pepper grinder?

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Clarksonisms

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