The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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...In the world.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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