On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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