Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -58

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

thumb_up thumb_down -139

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

thumb_up thumb_down +316

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

thumb_up thumb_down +13

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down -103

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

thumb_up thumb_down -146

On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

thumb_up thumb_down -24

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

thumb_up thumb_down +40

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

thumb_up thumb_down -31

car goes fast

thumb_up thumb_down +14

...In the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Claire chris paul steve & dave

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.