It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

thumb_up thumb_down +127

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

thumb_up thumb_down -123

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +310

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

thumb_up thumb_down +246

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

thumb_up thumb_down -578

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

thumb_up thumb_down -212

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.