- Clarksonisms

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Flying fish wasabi?

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Clarksonisms

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