Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Deal with it

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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