- Clarksonisms

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Flying fish wasabi?

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Some Poos Come Out

M3 drivers have no friends.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Deal with it

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Clarksonisms

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