The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Killing a mamooth

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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