- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Motorized pepper grinder?

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Don't do that, tortoise!

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!