- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

How many years are there in donkey years?

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!