On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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we wait with anticipation

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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