- Clarksonisms

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Motor from a food blender?

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

M3 drivers have no friends.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

How hard can it be?

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Clarksonisms

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