- Clarksonisms

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

Motor from a food blender?

Flying fish wasabi?

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Speed saves people!

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

Clarksonisms

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