- Clarksonisms

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Das Stig is a manaic!

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

ze5zege ef ege gg

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Clarksonisms

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