- Clarksonisms

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Motorized pepper grinder?

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

...In the world.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarksonisms

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