- Clarksonisms

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarksonisms

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