There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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Whatsapp Status

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Flying fish wasabi?

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Deal with it

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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Speed saves people!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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