(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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Deal with it

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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