- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Killing a mamooth

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!