- Clarksonisms

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Don't do that, tortoise!

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Clarksonisms

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