Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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... And across the line!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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