- Clarksonisms

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

This is the greatest car ... In the world

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Clarksonisms

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