Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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Speed saves people!

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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