- Clarksonisms

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

M3 drivers have no friends.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Clarksonisms

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