Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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