- Clarksonisms

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

...In the world.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Motorized pepper grinder?

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Clarksonisms

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