- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!