- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Some Poos Come Out

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!