'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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car goes fast

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...In the world.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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In the WOOORLD...

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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