- Clarksonisms

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Killing a mamooth

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Deal with it

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Frederik Du lugter

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

Clarksonisms

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