- Clarksonisms

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Motor from a food blender?

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Clarksonisms

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