- Clarksonisms

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds