- Clarksonisms

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

How many years are there in donkey years?

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

Clarksonisms

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