- Clarksonisms

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds