On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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Deal with it

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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herro am spoderman

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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