I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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In the WOOORLD...

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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