It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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Whatsapp Status

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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