- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Motor from a food blender?

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!