- Clarksonisms

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

How many years are there in donkey years?

Frederik Du lugter

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

Clarksonisms

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