- Clarksonisms

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarksonisms

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