- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!