- Clarksonisms

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Claire chris paul steve & dave

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Clarksonisms

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