Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Frederik Du lugter

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Killing a mamooth

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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