- Clarksonisms

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Clarksonisms

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