- Clarksonisms

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

Killing a mamooth

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Clarksonisms

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