In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +101

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

thumb_up thumb_down +85

In the WOOORLD...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

thumb_up thumb_down +42

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

thumb_up thumb_down -114

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

thumb_up thumb_down -146

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

thumb_up thumb_down

great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

thumb_up thumb_down -79

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

thumb_up thumb_down -117

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

thumb_up thumb_down +183

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Some Poos Come Out

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.