Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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