- Clarksonisms

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

M3 drivers have no friends.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds