Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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