- Clarksonisms

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Motorized pepper grinder?

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Clarksonisms

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