Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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