- Clarksonisms

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

In the WOOORLD...

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Clarksonisms

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