- Clarksonisms

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

M3 drivers have no friends.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Das Stig is a manaic!

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Killing a mamooth

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

Clarksonisms

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