Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Motor from a food blender?

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Some Poos Come Out

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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