- Clarksonisms

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

It stands out like

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Deal with it

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Clarksonisms

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