- Clarksonisms

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

... And across the line!

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds