- Clarksonisms

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

Some Poos Come Out

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

herro am spoderman

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

Clarksonisms

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