"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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