On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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car goes fast

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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