Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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How hard can it be?

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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