- Clarksonisms

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

Clarksonisms

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