- Clarksonisms

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

Claire chris paul steve & dave

herro am spoderman

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

Clarksonisms

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