I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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Speed saves people!

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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...In the world.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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