Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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