On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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