Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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How hard can it be?

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Killing a mamooth

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... And across the line!

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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