What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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How hard can it be?

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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