- Clarksonisms

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we wait with anticipation

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Clarksonisms

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