On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Speed saves people!

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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