Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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Flying fish wasabi?

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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