- Clarksonisms

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

How many years are there in donkey years?

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Clarksonisms

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