- Clarksonisms

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Motorized pepper grinder?

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Clarksonisms

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