That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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Motor from a food blender?

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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