"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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POWER!!!!!!!!!!

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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