Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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herro am spoderman

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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