- Clarksonisms

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

car goes fast

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Clarksonisms

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