- Clarksonisms

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

How many years are there in donkey years?

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

Clarksonisms

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