The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Killing a mamooth

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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In the WOOORLD...

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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Speed is the solution to everything, not that I have ever done it, I mean I love speed but, not the other thing, the actual speed, the thing that makes you go really crazy and feel adrenaline curse trough you like hell! No not the stimulant, well actually... ...COME ON YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! (believe it or not, this is how he behaved when drunk 5 years ago, funny guy even when he is not trying to)

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Speed saves people!

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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