-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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