The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +344

Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

thumb_up thumb_down +167

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

thumb_up thumb_down +289

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

thumb_up thumb_down +270

The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

thumb_up thumb_down +309

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

thumb_up thumb_down +210

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

thumb_up thumb_down +200

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

thumb_up thumb_down +212

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

thumb_up thumb_down -580

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

thumb_up thumb_down -769

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

thumb_up thumb_down -684

M3 drivers have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -837

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

thumb_up thumb_down -954

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +547

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +179

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1,162

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

thumb_up thumb_down +304

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +308

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.