Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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