- Clarksonisms

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Claire chris paul steve & dave

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Clarksonisms

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