So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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