- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Killing a mamooth

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!