Flying fish wasabi?

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Whatsapp Status

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Motor from a food blender?

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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