On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Motorized pepper grinder?

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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