- Clarksonisms

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

ze5zege ef ege gg

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Clarksonisms

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