The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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It stands out like

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Motor from a food blender?

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Speed saves people!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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