On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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Flying fish wasabi?

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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