- Clarksonisms

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Clarksonisms

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