- Clarksonisms

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And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

How many years are there in donkey years?

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

This is the greatest car ... In the world

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Clarksonisms

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