- Clarksonisms

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

Clarksonisms

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