- Clarksonisms

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Deal with it

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Clarksonisms

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