- Clarksonisms

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Speed saves people!

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Clarksonisms

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