[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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... And across the line!

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Deal with it

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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