- Clarksonisms

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

Deal with it

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Clarksonisms

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