- Clarksonisms

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

...In the world.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

Clarksonisms

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