- Clarksonisms

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

...In the world.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

ze5zege ef ege gg

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Clarksonisms

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