When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

thumb_up thumb_down -118

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Das Stig is a manaic!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

thumb_up thumb_down -84

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

thumb_up thumb_down +42

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +137

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

thumb_up thumb_down +216

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +100

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

thumb_up thumb_down +6

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

thumb_up thumb_down +33

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.