On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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Motor from a food blender?

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This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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