- Clarksonisms

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

How hard can it be?

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Frederik Du lugter

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

Clarksonisms

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