- Clarksonisms

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Claire chris paul steve & dave

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Clarksonisms

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