- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

How hard can it be?

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!