- Clarksonisms

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

Motor from a food blender?

Motorized pepper grinder?

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

Clarksonisms

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