The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel “When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’ They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

thumb_up thumb_down -935

Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

thumb_up thumb_down +111

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

thumb_up thumb_down +44

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

thumb_up thumb_down +73

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +96

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

thumb_up thumb_down +324

How hard can it be?

thumb_up thumb_down +247

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

thumb_up thumb_down +30

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Motor from a food blender?

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whatsapp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +14

On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

thumb_up thumb_down -31

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

thumb_up thumb_down +20

In the WOOORLD...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.