Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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It stands out like

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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