- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Killing a mamooth

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Claire chris paul steve & dave

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds