- Clarksonisms

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

Clarksonisms

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