- Clarksonisms

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

How many years are there in donkey years?

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Clarksonisms

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