- Clarksonisms

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Frederik Du lugter

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Das Stig is a manaic!

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Motor from a food blender?

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Killing a mamooth

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

Clarksonisms

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