"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

It stands out like

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.