- Clarksonisms

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Clarksonisms

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