Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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