- Clarksonisms

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Clarksonisms

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