- Clarksonisms

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

Killing a mamooth

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

Clarksonisms

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