herro am spoderman

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down +63

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

thumb_up thumb_down -29

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

thumb_up thumb_down -36

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

This is the greatest car ... In the world

thumb_up thumb_down -78

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

thumb_up thumb_down +18

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

thumb_up thumb_down +63

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

thumb_up thumb_down +10

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Motorized pepper grinder?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

How many years are there in donkey years?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

thumb_up thumb_down +40

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

thumb_up thumb_down +132

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.