[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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Deal with it

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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