Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Volkswagen Jetta "I’d love to meet the man who styled the exterior, to find out if he’d done it as some sort of a joke. But mostly I’d like to meet the man who simply didn’t bother at all with the interior. Because looking at that dashboard gives you some idea of what it might be like to be dead."

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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...In the world.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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