- Clarksonisms

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Deal with it

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

Clarksonisms

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