- Clarksonisms

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

Flying fish wasabi?

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Some Poos Come Out

M3 drivers have no friends.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

Clarksonisms

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