tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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...In the world.

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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