- Clarksonisms

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Deal with it

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Clarksonisms

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