[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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herro am spoderman

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Frederik Du lugter

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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