- Clarksonisms

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'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Clarksonisms

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