On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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car goes fast

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The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

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Killing a mamooth

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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