- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds