On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

In the WOOORLD...

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

we wait with anticipation

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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