If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Speed saves people!

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The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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