On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

thumb_up thumb_down +212

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down -86

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down -55

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -72

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

thumb_up thumb_down -127

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +183

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Claire chris paul steve & dave

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Whatsapp Status

thumb_up thumb_down +12

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

thumb_up thumb_down +73

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

...In the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

It's like sitting on Dawn French!

thumb_up thumb_down +43

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.