- Clarksonisms

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Flying fish wasabi?

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

Killing a mamooth

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

Clarksonisms

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