Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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