- Clarksonisms

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Claire chris paul steve & dave

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

How hard can it be?

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

Frederik Du lugter

"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Clarksonisms

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