The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

Aston Martin Vanquish S "This is the last of the old-school Astons. It was built in the Newport Pagnell factory by men with body odour and hammers, rather than on the computer- controlled production line of the new Gaydon plant. And it shows. The car costs more than any other Aston yet is no quicker; its paddle shift gearbox is hilariously bad and its interior looks glued together from the Ford parts bin. It is the equivalent of opting for a rusty saw and leeches in the age of laser-guided brain surgery. Who is Aston kidding?

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

Das Stig is a manaic!

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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