- Clarksonisms

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

Clarksonisms

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