- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Whatsapp Status

Das Stig is a manaic!

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

Speed saves people!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!