- Clarksonisms

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

... And across the line!

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day: six thousand! That’s the equivalent of two pounds of butter, 70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tabs of yogurts, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 Twix bars. On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete!

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Clarksonisms

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