- Clarksonisms

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Clarksonisms

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