I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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