'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

thumb_up thumb_down +87

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

thumb_up thumb_down -832

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +345

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

thumb_up thumb_down +59

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

thumb_up thumb_down +88

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

thumb_up thumb_down -662

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

thumb_up thumb_down +140

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +562

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

thumb_up thumb_down +88

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +97

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

thumb_up thumb_down +63

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

thumb_up thumb_down -551

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

thumb_up thumb_down +320

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

thumb_up thumb_down +60

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.