Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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