Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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Assessing Hammond's crash: Clarkson: "you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come apart. Now why didn't you spot that?!" Hammond: "I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph." Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on the phone, doing the paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, but if a lion walks in, I'm going to notice it!"

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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It stands out like

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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