A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

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Whatsapp Status

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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... And across the line!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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