- Clarksonisms

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

How many years are there in donkey years?

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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