- Clarksonisms

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Because of the French the concept if a car doesn't exist anymore

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

On the Chrysler Crossfire: "This is the worst thing that's come out of Germans and Americans working together since a fellow named Adolphus Busch arrived in America, tasted the water, and said "yeah, I could make beer out of this." And we were given that headache in a can - Budweiser."

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

Frederik Du lugter

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Clarksonisms

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