During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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Speed saves people!

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

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On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

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herro am spoderman

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[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Frederik Du lugter

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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