Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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How hard can it be?

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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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