- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Das Stig is a manaic!

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

How many years are there in donkey years?

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

In the WOOORLD...

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

ze5zege ef ege gg

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!