- Clarksonisms

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

we wait with anticipation

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Motor from a food blender?

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

Clarksonisms

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