- Clarksonisms

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

herro am spoderman

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Clarksonisms

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