- Clarksonisms

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

Flying fish wasabi?

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

How many years are there in donkey years?

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Motor from a food blender?

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

In the WOOORLD...

Clarksonisms

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