"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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we wait with anticipation

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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car goes fast

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On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] “Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn’t move an inch.

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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Cadillac SRX4 "This is a very ugly car. So ugly in fact that you’ll want to get inside it and shut the door as quickly as possible. But sadly when you are inside it’s even worse. "If it were a creature, it wouldn’t be a lion or a praying mantis or even a chimp. No, I think it would be a wasp — useless and hateful in equal measure"

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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