Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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