BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

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I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Deal with it

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On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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