- Clarksonisms

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

Don't do that, tortoise!

we wait with anticipation

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Clarksonisms

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