- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

Flying fish wasabi?

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!