- Clarksonisms

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

How many years are there in donkey years?

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Frederik Du lugter

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

Clarksonisms

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