"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

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On the Kia Rio, "You may have seen The Fly II, in which a scientist attempts to teleport a dog. In one of the most gruesome scenes I’ve seen in a film it arrives at its destination completely inside out. Well the Rio is uglier than that. Inside, things get worse. "Small wonder Kia’s importer in Britain is sponsoring the Pedestrian Association’s Walking Bus scheme. The idea is that parents take it in turns to walk a group, or "bus", of children to their school in a morning. After three days of being transported in the Rio, my kids thought it was a brilliant idea to walk instead. Even though their school is 18 miles away and it was blowing a gale directly from the Canadian tundra."

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

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When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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