- Clarksonisms

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Frederik Du lugter

we wait with anticipation

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Killing a mamooth

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

Clarksonisms

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