I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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Flying fish wasabi?

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[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

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Motor from a food blender?

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

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This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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