- Clarksonisms

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

Clarksonisms

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