"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

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we wait with anticipation

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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car goes fast

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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