What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

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Motor from a food blender?

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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