- Clarksonisms

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(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Clarksonisms

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