On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

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The only way to stop faster..is to hit a tree.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

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Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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