- Clarksonisms

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

M3 drivers have no friends.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

Clarksonisms

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