- Clarksonisms

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I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."

M3 drivers have no friends.

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

In the WOOORLD...

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

Clarksonisms

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