'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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herro am spoderman

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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On the Porsche Boxster “It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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