That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Frederik Du lugter

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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It stands out like

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On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

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BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

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While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

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I agree the price is a bit steep, it's perilously close to the Ferrari 599, but honestly, you cannot buy a DB9 anymore; you just can't do it.  Because one day, you will be sitting at a set of lights, someone will pull up alongside in one of these and you will feel hopeless and inadequate, and you will have to kill yourself.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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How hard can it be?

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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