On the Citroën Berlingo: You can tell when a car firm is desperate to find things to say about their car, just look at the website: it has a laminated front windscreen, single front passenger seat, and manually adjustable door mirrors. So no electric mirrors, no alloy wheels. So it's a very good car so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail.

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Frederik Du lugter

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

This is what scares me. It's called the Trojan and because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of...wherever it damn well wants to go.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

most of you will think that showing up in cars like these in romania is like going to somalia with a suit made out of food...

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

It stands out like

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

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