- Clarksonisms

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What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

... And across the line!

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Yes, it's firm, but it's not uncomfortable. I mean compared to hanging from a bird's nest...by your fingernails...a million feet above some pointy boulders, for example.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

Clarksonisms

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