The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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herro am spoderman

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

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I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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...In the world.

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I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

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on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

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On Detroit “God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

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Some Poos Come Out

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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