- Clarksonisms

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

...In the world.

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

As useful as a snooze alarm on a smoke detector

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Clarksonisms

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