- Clarksonisms

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Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

These newer supercars are much kinder to the environment as well. For example, this one here: the only thing coming out of its tailpipes are baby foxes.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

Clarksonisms

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