There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

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The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

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tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

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[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

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Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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