- Clarksonisms

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

This is the same colour as a prosthetic limb!!

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

Clarksonisms

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds