the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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Some Poos Come Out

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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I AM CLARK! WELCOME TO DIE X-CHICKEN! MORAL: WHEN IT SAYS MORAL, THAT MEANS THAT YOU MUST NOT GIVE ME THUMBS UPS! I WONT LET YOU BREAK MY UBER MORAL SHIELD!

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

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You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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