Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

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On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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It has dials the size of a fat spaniels face.

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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