- Clarksonisms

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

On The Stig: Some say that he was a science experiment gone wrong and that he only eats cheese. All we know is, he's called the stig!

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

While playing the video game Gran Turismo "Aston Martin DB9 – that’s not a racecar, that’s pornography."

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

I'm in the seat of a Ford Sierra Cosworth, holding a flamethrower. Can't get much happier than that.

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

Clarksonisms

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