- Clarksonisms

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The Ford Focus "It's like an Air Hostess wearing orange"

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

The engine sounds like a Spitfire fighter plane

Motor from a food blender?

Motorized pepper grinder?

Flying fish wasabi?

The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

Speed saves people!

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

Clarksonisms

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