- Clarksonisms

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

How many years are there in donkey years?

On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

BMW 645Ci "If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside."

There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Deal with it

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Clarksonisms

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