- Clarksonisms

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

ze5zege ef ege gg

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Deal with it

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

[On the Citroen Berlingo]: "It's a very good car, so long as you want something that's equipped like a Romanian jail'

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

On the Ford GT40 “Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that’s a question I’ve never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.”

On the Koenigsegg CCX “I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!”

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

How many years are there in donkey years?

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

When you buy a Honda, well, your stuck with a Honda.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Clarksonisms

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