On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

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Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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"How do I tell James to slow down?"

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Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

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Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

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The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

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It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

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Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide,Power Slide.

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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Killing a mamooth

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

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It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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