- Clarksonisms

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

I believe in speed - power... power and speed solve many things!

On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

Now the interesting thing about this car is that under the bonnet it doesn't have an engine. What you get instead is a small field mouse called Gerald.

'In Africa' Jeremy: And the Elephants use their noses to shovel water into their mouths. Richard: Thats a rubbish commentary.

Air Conditioning systems in Lamborghini's of old was like a mouse, coughing on you. Acho. Acho. -Review of the Lamborghini Murcielago LP640

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

Converting a racing car into a street car is like watching porn with all the good bits cut out... all you end up watching is a close up of some sweaty bloke bobbing his head for half an hour.

Clarksonisms

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