[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

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It's really sad that you can now buy Hummer aftershave. It comes in a jerry can of repressed homosexuality; you slosh it over your face yelling "I'M NOT GAY!"

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WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

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On paddle shift automatic gearboxes “The thing is, it’s a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever… ‘Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station – I’m a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I’m gonna swap some cogs around!’”

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It stands out like

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

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Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

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[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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I'll tell you what. We'll try it my way first... and then we'll finish.

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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