Regarding driving a Reliant Robin: "What we're about to do is about as dangerous as...inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette."

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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"I’m choosing the words for my conclusion with even more care than usual. So here goes. The 1-series is crap." BMW 1 Series

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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Peugeot 407 Coupé 2.7 V6 HDi SE "It has the zip of a chairlift. With plodding performance and steady-as-she-goes handling the only thing this car will make you feel like is a cup of Horlicks with a splash of hemlock. Empty-nesters should buy a PlayStation instead, and spend the afternoon shooting crack whores."

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

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Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in.

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You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

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This is the greatest car ... In the world

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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"And even supposing British cars were terrible, we wouldn't go about saying so. You don't see Jack Bauer saying 'Don't come to America, it's filled with terrorists'!"

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What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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