- Clarksonisms

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Doesn't matter if it's Hell in a Cell, Rage in a Cage or Painus in your anus!

On A Lincoln Towncar. I can see him at home with his wife now. Dammit Myrdle! I can't figger out a way to make this wheel square! I got me square dials, I got me a square dash, I got me a square body. But the wheel! it's circular! Ruins the whole KAWR!

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

I don't like being overtaken. It's a sign of weakness.

How many years are there in donkey years?

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

herro am spoderman

Some Poos Come Out

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

Clarksonisms

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