- Clarksonisms

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On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

This [Ferrari F60 Enzo] isn't just uncool, it's seriously uncool. Think of it this way, if you walk into the bathroom and see a man standing suspiciously close to the urinal, he probably owns one of them.

Speed saves people!

There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

How many years are there in donkey years?

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

Clarksonisms

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