Q:what's the difference between a blonde and a u.f.o A:people seen u.f.o s

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[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

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Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

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It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

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People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

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Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

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By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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