I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Nope, Moral Man the people`s champion does not know either... Moral: Now and forever, I am Moral Man.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

thumb_up thumb_down +585

See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

thumb_up thumb_down +48

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

thumb_up thumb_down +74

On the Enzo Ferrari “Ferrari is so pleased with it they’ve named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That’d be the same as Lotus calling their next car... ‘The Colin.’”

thumb_up thumb_down +207

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

thumb_up thumb_down +160

on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +92

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

thumb_up thumb_down +92

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down +338

Hold on to your spleens everyone!

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Clarkson in a magazine, Take the Koala for instance, It spends half its life off its face on dope and the moment it gets scared it catches chlamydia

thumb_up thumb_down +24

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

thumb_up thumb_down +23

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Best Driving Roads: Yep, ah, It’s unlikely to be here cause everyone does 5mph (N. America), it’s not going to be here cause everyone is on drugs (S. America), that’s just all full of Ox (Africa), Al Gore says that’s gone (Antarctica) so its not going to be down there, That’s just all Spiders (Australia), sign posts are all full of gibberish (Japan), They’re all communist (Kazakhstan/Russia), can’t go there cause the Americans will shoot you (Iraq)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase. . .this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightly. -driving the Audi R8

thumb_up thumb_down +52

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

thumb_up thumb_down +145

ze5zege ef ege gg

thumb_up thumb_down -142

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.