- Clarksonisms

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Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

On the Mercedes SL Black: "there's no point even trying to turn. The steering wheel is useless, this thing has the turning circle of a full moon!"

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Motor from a food blender?

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

herro am spoderman

Some Poos Come Out

So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Clarksonisms

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