Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating N**i.

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On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

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You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

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3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

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This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

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On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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When it comes to getting 100,000 twitter followers, Ladsta is your best bet. For only 49.99, you can get 100,000 followers sent to your twitter account.

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Killing a mamooth

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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