There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -61

"Lancia did have some issues; for example, the Gamma exploded every time you turned the steering wheel"

thumb_up thumb_down -117

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

What's worse then stubbing your toe? Finding out one of your loved ones died.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you’ve seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

...In the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down -37

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +550

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.

thumb_up thumb_down +200

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

It's like being tangled in a douvet on a hot night, I hate it!" Describibg one of the awful American pieces of tat on the good bad and the ugly dvd. Brilliant

thumb_up thumb_down +124

It's not a torch! It's a RAMPANT RABBIT!!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1,162

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

thumb_up thumb_down +532

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Could you really get children to work in a factory? Becouse that would be brilliant!

thumb_up thumb_down +84

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

thumb_up thumb_down +135

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +181

M3 drivers have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -837

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.