- Clarksonisms

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

I'll tell you what, Richard. You go around our track on your Hayabusa at top speed and I'll chain smoke and we'll see who dies first.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

What did the orphan kids get for Christmas? Cancer.

...In the world.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

tonight, james wears jack sanders like a hat, richard wears jack sanders like a hat, and i wear jack sanders like a hat

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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Clarksonisms

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