If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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Killing a mamooth

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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"So having a twin turbo V12 diesel is like, turning your central heating off at home, and then keeping warm ... by burning Rembrandts." Audi Q7 V12 TDI

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

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Scientists are trying 2… . figure out how long… . a person can live … . without brain… . . . Please tell them ur age!!! Hindi TV Shows

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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on Ferrari F430: "the basic price is about 118,000 pound, which is not really bad. I mean, sell the house, sell the children for medical experiment, rob a bank, and you will soon get that money"

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

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During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

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Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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