I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

thumb_up thumb_down +98

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Grips good, if you want to win a race, grip is brilliant. BUT for drifting.. for having FUN.. grip is BAD!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

thumb_up thumb_down +282

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

ze5zege ef ege gg

thumb_up thumb_down -159

car goes fast

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Killing a mamooth

thumb_up thumb_down +25

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -66

on the Peugeot 206 gti the temperature was nudging 75 F and i was headed for London in the 206. After half a mile i was suspicious, after a mile i was angry. it may have an air conditioning button but it sure as hell doesn't have air conditioning. The Rolls-Royce system works with the power of 30 domestic refrigerators. Peugeot's works with the power of an asthmatic in Bangladesh blowing at you through a straw.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

herro am spoderman

thumb_up thumb_down -130

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

thumb_up thumb_down -50

This is the greatest car ... In the world

thumb_up thumb_down -86

"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

thumb_up thumb_down -26

This is the new Maserati 4x4. It's called the Kubang, which being a Maserati, probably also the sound it'll make when the warranty expires.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

POOOOWERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.