It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" *Audience laughs* "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" *audience gasps then applauds*

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A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

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Am i the only one here who doesnt know what a clarksonism is?

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I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

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I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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It's perfect for short trips to the golf club. As a matter of fact, the [Mercedes CLS's] Satellite navigation screen only lists petrol stations, and golf courses: everything the modern Mercedes driver needs.

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On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

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This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

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[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

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Clarkson on saving money How's this for an idea?...never brake

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Talking to Hammond along with James: Same Time: "YOUR AN AMERICAN HAMMOND, THAT'S WHY YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH."

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-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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The Stig: Some say he was born in space, and that he is illegal in 17 U.S. states.

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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It stands out like

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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