Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

It's like God having really unusual sex. (On the sound of the Ferrari 430 Scuderia)

thumb_up thumb_down +91

what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

thumb_up thumb_down -55

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Some Poos Come Out

thumb_up thumb_down +49

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

thumb_up thumb_down -143

Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

thumb_up thumb_down -61

It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

on the porsche 911 this is ridiculous , me liking this is like gordon brown going to the polling booth and saying " do you know what i think im going to vote tory "..... maybe he did

thumb_up thumb_down +1

... And across the line!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

poopoopoopoopoopoopoop

thumb_up thumb_down -49

[On the Jaguar S-Type Concept Car]: If that car comes out like that then I will cut my left leg off and beat myself to death with it

thumb_up thumb_down +27

(On the TukTuk) I think I have cancer now.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

thumb_up thumb_down -88

[On the Clio V6]: It had the worst turning circle in the world - you had to actually go round the world to actually turn it round.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Don't do that, tortoise!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

thumb_up thumb_down -97

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

In the WOOORLD...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.