On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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(Referring to the Morris Marina) "The unpleasant log laid by British Leyland after communism crept like an itchy red blanket over the shop floor."

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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[Alfa Romeo Brera] I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather, and I'm nursing a semi.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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I don't know why we became clarksonisms, Think your fancy HUH.

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On the Brabus SL: "A 1000 torques is what you'd use for... restarting a dead planet."

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Describing the Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder's sound: It's like listening to the Cirque Du Soleil being chopped up by their own chainsaws.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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[Top Gear Awards]: Now it's time for the ugliest car of the year and the nominees... - actually there's no point is there, it's the Mini Clubman. That's the ugliest.

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Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the world's oil.

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Tonight.. Leon finds a bin, Jack sanders takes over the bin, And James may, eats the bin.

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What's significant about San Francisco? Nothing really, just gay people.

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[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

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Don't do that, tortoise!

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I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

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This is winnie the pooh with road rage

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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