- Clarksonisms

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This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

Deal with it

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

... And across the line!

It sounds like a bear. A burning bear!

Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

When describing the Mazda Demio-"Yes I know it'll take you to the shops, but then so will a pogo stick!

By the end of the night, I was hoping to be in a rather different kind of hedge, but there you go

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

"Still, if you want one [X5 M], get your nurse to find you a crayon and write out a check for seventy six thousand pounds...or if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi."

You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!

On Gallardo Spyder "I am in love!"

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Today Jeremy Clarkson Married a Lamborghini and move to Switz

While driving through a rural part of India: "MONKEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!! MONKEY MONKEY.... with MASSIVE testicles!!!!"

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

People think my picture of me on horsehead network is me going really fast, good thing they don't know I am actually blowing a huge invisible black guy.

I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

"How do I tell James to slow down?"

Clarksonisms

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