- Clarksonisms

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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

"I never really liked cars nor speed, so from this show and on forward, we are going to show you Japans top ten best poopie in the toilet cameras while we sit here and just fap!" Audience laughs "Yes, and we wont fap ourselves! In fact we will blow each other!" audience gasps then applauds

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

Jeremy reading the safety labels on a Dodge Viper: This one is my favorite. "The top supports behind the seats are not a roll bar. This is an open vehicle--drive carefully..." No.

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

This is the greatest car ... In the world

If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

On the McLaren P1: "And as you hurdle around in a puddle of your own feces, grinning like an infant, the car is working on ways to go even faster."

Some Poos Come Out

On the Renault Clio V6 “I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”

On the TVR Tuscan 2 “It’s supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn’t.”

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

I was driving this [Bentley Brooklands] on a sort of normal B road the other day, and it gave me some idea what it would be like to try and park the moon.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

How hard can it be?

And again, I'm the voice of reason and commen sence

Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

Clarksonisms

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