- Clarksonisms

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On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

Shut up with all your terrible banter!!!

On the Crysler PT Cruiser: "The front looks like a face. A friendly face from the land that gave us friendly fire."

Don't do that, tortoise!

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Jeremy on their challenge when James was gonna be piloting a plane: "So it'll be Captain Captain Slow and his Hammond hand luggage!"

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

Some sa that he's wanted by the CIA, and that he only eats cheese. All we know is... he's NOT the Stig, but he is Barack Obama... No wait, the Stig's AMERICAN COUSIN!

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

"Now, Rich, would you like some pu-sy? (...) Pu-sy, energy drink"

That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

[On Hammond's Dolomite Sprint] My washing machine moves around the kitchen faster than that!

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

Clarkson watching someone drive a lada and being offered to ride one. "Its are raping him! And then its going to rape me!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

Best to you with our ice cream van with a gun on top of it.

Clarksonisms

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