- Clarksonisms

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LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!

This [Maserati Quattroporte GTS] is like having a 3-year old child. It's really annoying most of the time, but if someone tried to take it away from you, you'd kill them for it.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Das Stig is a manaic!

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

3 nominations on that award and David Coulthard finished 4th.

What's the point of having the fastest car in the world, if its brakes always keep breaking down?

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

On the Corvette Z06 “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

Deal with it

Clarksonisms

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