Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

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Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

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M3 drivers have no friends.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

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Whatsapp Status

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Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access.

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On the McLaren P1: "This car is about as well equipped as a pair of Monk's underpants."

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Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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Pintos are like virgin girls. You hit one in the rear and BOOM!

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Killing a mamooth

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I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

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Hold on to your spleens everyone!

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On the Porsche Cayman S “There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.”

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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... And across the line!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

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Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

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While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

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James: I'm curious, Jeremy, what is it that you don't get about bikes? Jeremy: I just don't want to have to dress up like a Power Ranger to go down to the pub and drink orange juice all afternoon.

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The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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