I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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Old jags are like living inside James May but this one is like living inside James Kirk

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Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

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On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

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So you’re not buying a Bristol for the number of gizmos or the way those that you do get are attached to the car. I carefully examined the front air splitter, for instance, and deduced that it must have been put there by a horse. No, really. As Sherlock Holmes himself advised: “When you have eliminated the impossible” — and it is impossible to imagine a human making such a hash of it — “then what remains, no matter how implausible, must be the truth.” So it was a horse.

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I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

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"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

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That Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

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Im you can imagine sharing a waterbed with a baboon drenchd in itching powder On the 70' Lincon TownCar

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The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

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On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

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Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

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On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

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We'll try it my way first, and then we'll finish it.

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During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

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Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

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(Upon seeing a gentleman with shoulder-length hair in the audience): "Jesus is here!"

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...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

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What did the black guy say to the brown guy we are both victims I racism

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I don't always play guitar, but when I do, I'm awesome.

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Speed saves people!

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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