- Clarksonisms

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The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

[In the P45]: "AH LORRY, LORRY, LORRY, LORRY! Oh a lot of poo SHOT out then!"

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

[FSO Polenez] It's less reliable than a pensioner's erection.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

During the Bugatti vs airplane trip "I will not be beaten by Captain Slow's flying washing machine!"

You can't be a true petrolhead until you've owned an Alfa Romeo

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

-On the Morgan Aero 8 Clarkson: You spent money on that? Hammond: Yeah. why not? Clarkson: Thats like saying 'Well, I've had marriage proposals from Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz, Natalie Portman, but no, I'm going to marry John McCrirrick'

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

Flying fish wasabi?

I'm not Just the Iron In Yard, I'm a Member

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

The BMW X5 M "... And I don't know about you, but I find this interior ... rather boring. Apart from that obviously, the torque thing. It's like sitting in someone's ear."

On the Alfa Romeo 8C "as Sir Francis Bacon once said, 'there is no beauty which hath not some strangeness about its proportions'. And he's right, who ever he is. I mean, look at keira Knightley. She's just an ironing board with a face. And she works."

The back of the BMW 6 series... it looks like a tramp's hat!

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Bentley, Feawr Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, In Bentley No One Can Hear You Scream (In American Movie Trailer Voice)

Now, what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine, but a little field mouse named Gerald, and considering its price, your better off literally eating seventeen and a half thousand pounds. Of gravel. -Jezza on the ford focus se

Clarksonisms

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