I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY. Source: Pingzic collection of WhatsApp Status

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If you've got a better route map from the AA website, why don't you write to us at 'I asked the AA for a route to King's Lynn and now I'm on the International Space Station', Top Gear, London

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Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

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In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

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Land Rover Defender 90 Td5 Station Wagon "Often fourth isn’t enough to get you up a hill, so you drop down to third and it feels as though you’ve been hit in the back with a wrecking ball. All of a sudden you’re doing 35mph but your eight-ton suit of armour, making a noise that sounds like the birth of the universe, has come to an almost dead stop. "What’s more, there still isn’t enough room behind the wheel for anyone with shoulders or legs, there are still sharp edges, it’s as bouncy as a small dog at suppertime, and as a result it’s about as much fun to drive as a punctured wheelbarrow. And it’s not like the misery is short-lived, because each trip to the shops can, and does, take two or three weeks."

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on the corvette: So if you want a car with vietnamese suspension that is made out of plastic, this is the car for you!

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"... And his miserable flat 6 is no match for this V8 tower of power!" Jeremy Clarkson on Audi R8 & Porsche Carrera 2

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On the Vauxhall vectra: it's a cure for ADD, any child with would fall asleep in 3 minutes flat

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The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

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ze5zege ef ege gg

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Whatsapp Status

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See the problem was that the Lotus Sunbeam exploded every time it was Tuesday...

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It's as reliable and long lasting as a pensioners erection.

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Cars cars cars.... heh. Written by: pirater un compte facebook

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It's like sitting on Dawn French!

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Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano "There, right in the middle of everything, is a quartic steering wheel. Yup, quartic, as in square, as in Austin Allegro. And worse still, it’s half carbon fibre and half leather, and it’s got all sorts of Formula One-style buttons on the bottom and then, along the top, a series of red lights that come on to tell you when to change gear. Unfortunately they are so bright you think you’ve been caught in the fearsome glare from a Martian spaceship. "So you don’t change gear. You crash."

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'Jean Alesi - who I used to hero worship - is now playing with my genitals.'

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I'd have [striking workers] shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families.

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[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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Das Stig is a manaic!

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What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?

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Perodua Kelisa 1.0 GXi "This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost. "Also its name sounds like a disease."

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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