On the TVR Tuscan 2 “You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon’s backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it’s too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone’s tried to mend their own shoes.

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On the Vauxhall Astra VXR No, listen, listen, listen, you won't be at the party if you drive one of these because you'll have torque-steered into a tree on the way. And you'd be killed, and that's important to die in an anecdote...your children will say "daddy died in a fireball in a Vauxhall and a tree!"

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Claire chris paul steve & dave

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[In the Police Car Challenge] In jail, no one can here you scream

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Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

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How many years are there in donkey years?

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Buying this car for its dynamic abilities, is like buying a porn film for its plot.

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

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the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

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Hammond: "The premiums for 17 year old girls are around half what they are for 17 year old boys" Clarkson: "Well there's a Top Gear top tip right there! If you're a 17 year old and you need car insurance, slice your penis off."

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Listen to this chap. He wants to "bitch slap his hoe" why not. Good luck to ya fella

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"I mean let's be honest about the Bently, it's simply a Volkswagen with some wood grain."

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Can you ever love a machine? Of course you can. John Connor did. And I love the LFA.

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Jeremy on the Pagani Zonda F Roadster: "This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat."

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The highlight of my childhood – it’s the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it’s full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

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The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

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Man interviewing clarkson and hammond: What's your carbon footprint like? Clarkson: We dont have a carbon footprint we drive everywhere.

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"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

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Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

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Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

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So the Porsche Cayman is a Boxster with a roof. They should have called it the Cockster.

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this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

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What's worse than the holocaust? 6 million Jews.

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what`s the difference of a blonde and a ufo people have ufos

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Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

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