- Clarksonisms

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That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

While discussing The Stig's tube leg of the race, on foot through london, "....or stig could be mistaken for a Brazillian plumber". Not very PC but very apt - and you are left in no doubt on his thoughts on the subject.

On the Ferrari 599 GTO: SPEEEEED, SPEEEED, and the noise of the SPEED!!!

On the Lancia Stratos: I'm going to change gear now; this is going to involve man-touching.

Just because something is unreliable doesn't mean it isn't great. Take, for example, Stephen Hawking. Great man, but most of him doesn't work.

It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that.

On oliver top gear car of the year 2007 - "I would rather eat my gentleman vegetables"

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Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and his crash helmet is modeled off of Britney Spears' head... All we know is he's called the Stig!

...The wheel arches are flared, the car is slightly lowered, and at the back there are extra poo shoots

Speed has never killed anyone - suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you. - SMC Digital

Deal with it

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

Das Stig is a manaic!

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'

A man walked into a bar May he rest in peace

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."

Now that we have power steering, all you have to do [to race] is lie down, turn the wheel, and if you want to win all you have to do is go a little bit faster than all the others.

Who ever said Leon Austin is a tramp.. He's not a tramp.. he's just a homeless person living on the streets. Me personally, i think they're different things.

Clarksonisms

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