- Clarksonisms

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In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

The Amphibian Car Challenge "Which would come first, summer or James May?"

When discussing the suspension adjustability on the Bentley Continental GT. "It really is about as useful as having a snooze button on a smoke alarm".

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

I love the feel of some hairy, salty balls on my chin. Mmmmm!

'Tinkering' with it, when you have a Lancia, is just another way of saying 'trying to make it start'. You go to a Lancia, turn the key and think, "Right, I better just 'tinker' with it and see if we can coax some life into the thing".

The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different.

The M3 CSL is going to be bought by the type of person who lies in bed at night thinking of his gearshift aggression strategy for his drive to work the next morning.

On the Lotus Exige “To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you’ve got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It’s kind of like peering into one of your grannies’ old kitchen cabinets.”

WHAT A MACHINE!!!!

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

On the Mercedes CLS55: Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Look at this fellow, he wants to bitch slap his hoe. Why not? Good luck to you fellow.

A Hummer; You need 280574965897831756791492756237859087683472390645839057644382457684385739248759320842013878742178347658375843921764 gallons of gas to get out of the garage.

And, it's made in Britain! Which is another way of saying the door is going to fall off.

Why did the pharaoh go to Dairy Queen? He was thirsty

Every year, the world's Golf GTI enthusiasts congregate in a field in Austria, and they talk about fuel injection and wear jumpers with "GTI" on them. Frankly I'd rather blow-torch my nipples off.

[On the Aston Martin DBS]: "I especially like the gear lever, which is like a Power Ranger's leg"

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

Clarksonisms

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