- Clarksonisms

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.

On the porsche GT2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that concludes my roadroad test of the GT2.

On James May: "He also hasn't got a penis cause it came off once."

In German accent about Mercedes SATNAV "You must turn around und do it again, make und U-Turn!!!"

You know what's funny? The Joke below this one.

On Segways "They’re made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."

On the Enzo Ferrari "I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

POWER!!!!!!!!!!

In a list of the five most rubbish things in the world, I’d have America’s foreign policy at five. Aids at four. Iran’s nuclear programme at three. Gordon Brown at two and Maserati’s gearbox at number one. It is that bad.

On the BMW x5 h&m The result is like putting a furious weasel in your underpants

"Only the americans would invent a car polish you can eat."

Richard, you're the type of person I could show a picture of Paris Hilton, and you would say "But what if she turned out to be intelligent?"

"Now, Rich, would you like some pussy? (...) PUSSY, energy drink"

This is the thing you have to remember, Alfa build a car to be as good as a car can be... briefly.

What's the difference beetween a washing machine and a dead body. I dont have a washing machine in my basement...

On the GT (Between Hammond and Clarkson) Hammond: So with that, the Ford GT gets 75 miles per tank. Jeremy, how far is it to work from your house?" Clarkson: "76 miles..."

This car was so exciting, I actually needed windscreen wipers on the inside

Clarksonisms

Our Updated iOS App!