- Clarksonisms

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Bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

herro am spoderman

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

tonight... we test drive... a fiat punto. a VW golf and adam burdass

In the olden days, Ferrari used to build their racing cars with a lot of passion and enthusiasm. Then, on lap 3 as often as not, they would explode into a passionate and enthusiastic fireball. Since then, they've started building their racing cars with with science and math...

During the color-mixing for the elderly-friendly Fiat (Multipla) Rover James: "So you can make any color we want? Can you do my left nipple?"

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

On the Porsche Cayenne “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”

In Bolivia when a bridge had to be built Clarkson (firing up a chainsaw): I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE Hammond: He's got a chainsaw, hasn't he? Clarkson: OH YES! Hammond: Oh God.

On the BMW X5 M There's a gallon of fuel gone there, and another there...and yet another there. As a matter of fact, the only way this car could be less annoying to eco-mentalists is if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.

[on his own driving test] - I didn't see it as a driving test so much as a confirmation of my excelence.

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

This is winnie the pooh with road rage

Driving a 1M As if somebody suddenly gave you the permission to set fire to Piers Morgan.

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

[£100 car challenge] Hammond: I've managed to procure an x-ray of Jeremy's hand and it's 5 points off for a broken bone remember; look at the thumb, it's broken! Jeremy: It isn't Richard:It is, you broke your thumb! Jeremy: ...it's chipped.

How many years are there in donkey years?

(Clarksons article regarding his daughters first car) " I wanted something with 2000 airbags, I wanted a bouncy castle with wipers"

Hating jewd isn't rascist, it's actually called being anti-semetist

Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.

On the mclaren MP4-12C The first thing I would like to know is why they've named it after a fax machine.

On the Alfa Romeo Brera “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

"Aston Martin DB9. That's not really a racing car, that's just pornography."

[Stretch Limos Challenge] - ... for some extraodinary reason the rules say you can't drive a 46-foot car on the public highway, so I had to do some surgery...

Clarksonisms

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