On a Chevrolet Corvette "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

thumb_up thumb_down +221

It's like putting a furious weasel in your underpants!

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Today, Porsche brings ANOTHER 911 to an already confused world...

thumb_up thumb_down +73

I do not understand why some people refer to their cars as "She" , lovingly. You never screw your car.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

great news I got this Minecraft Upgrade Code absolutely free! Check this site out http://mc.cardcodes.net

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Where do I like to watch my car videos? You guessed it. CarVideos site

thumb_up thumb_down -125

On the Ferrari Enzo: MOMMY!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +146

the fastest car IN THE WORLD!!

thumb_up thumb_down -95

this is the best clarksonism....in the woooorld

thumb_up thumb_down -95

(stroking the velvet in a Jaguar XJ) That's like lifting up the Queen's skirt to find out she's wearing a thong!

thumb_up thumb_down +109

On cars at a Max Power show "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they’ll blow up."

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire- I have been trying to think -what it is that this shape reminds me of and last night it came to me- you know when a dog....doing its....aahh...number II, that kind of arched back thing .....thats what it is(with hand gestures and disgusted expression).....HIDEOUS!.....EWWWW!!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

And after a riged phone vote , The Stig has a new name. He called Cuddles

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Okay, engines for the Alfa Romeo Brera: 2.2 liters, 3.2 v6, and you can have a diesel if you're the type of person who thinks the Mona Lisa should have a moustache.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

On British Leyland: "Never in the field of human endeavour has so much been done, so badly, by so many."

thumb_up thumb_down +86

we wait with anticipation

thumb_up thumb_down -49

When you reach he limits of grip, the Jaguar XJ220 demands a special technique. You put your foot on the clutch, and repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven, I'll be there in a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

In resent weeks a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Deal with it

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

thumb_up thumb_down +311

That's not an emergency, it's just time to... empty your bowels.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG “It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”

thumb_up thumb_down +110

The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Are there any Spanish people here today? Yes? GIVE ME MY FISH BACK!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Clarksonisms

Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...

When you're done here, check out our car fail site!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.